WARNING CONTAINS EXCESSIVE LANGUAGE (but it is quite funny):


I'm just pure awesome. You have no idea. Today I was walking down the street and I got the finger... why? Well, I already told you. I'm just that fucking awesome (gotta love the french). So then how did I end up walking down the street? here, I'll give you the story.

So it was morning and I wake up. I know it seems crazy n' all... but I got off my lazy ass and took a walk. With my rapist stalker close behind (so I knew I was safe) I trotted down to the mall. I gazed upon the street and i saw a glorious sight. A big... fucking... gorilla. I was immediately in love. I ran over to the car dealership (funny word right there) and just stood there with my eyes facing upward and my mouth touching the ground. I saw my stalker (in my perennials) come and stand next to me. His mouth (I know... a boy stalker) was on the ground too... but not because of the gorilla.

So I, and the he stalker (I'm going to shorten it to HS from now on) stood there in awe... for at least an hour. I didn't see the HS blink once.. Very freaky. So I (and apparently HS) decided to continue our journey to the mall, my original destination. HS and I got there and went directly into the jewelry store. Again HS's jaw dropped... as if I was going to buy him something. I ignored him (as I do every night before I go to bed). Then, just as I was enjoying myself, an annoying bitch of a clerk came up.

She asked, "Are you finding what you're looking for?" I thought about going ape shit on her ass and throwing her, but I decided better.

So I replied, "Look what I'm wearing bitch (I didn't say bitch [or did I? {no really I didn't |or did he?|}]) do you think I have any money?" Both her and HS frowned. They both simultaneously reached for a slap... then gave each other a high five. Now, ironically enough, a gerbil walked in. Now, if that's not weird enough, we both said, "What the fuck?" at the same time. Coincidence? Maybe. Ironic? definitely. All of us in such shock we all started to imitate each others actions. And (as any good story would tell) we made complete fucking goofs of our selves. No one did even close to the same thing.

The gerbil (being a gerbil and all) ran and grabbed a gerbil wheel and ran on it like a gerbil. The clerk grabbed a knife and stabbed herself. HS took a picture of me out and started licking it (yes, I know). And I ran the fuck out of there... So I decided to go to an alternative: Victoria's secret.

So I walked in Victoria's Secret... yeah I know, I'm so cool. I decided that I needed a new bra (for who knows what). So, like every other male customer in the store, I grabbed what I needed, and went to the counter. I was quite surprised to find out, though, that I was the only male in the store. The clerk (not quite as much of a bitch) looked at me with her angry hazel eyes. I got the look that you get from your peers when you say something entirely off topic, and most likely, having homosexual nature. The "What the fuck" look. I'm sure all of us have seen look before, or at least given it out. I stood there and decided not to be rude, following the ever important rule of "ladies first". She held up the bra and said, "This won't fit you. Just so you know...". I thought about it. Looked at it. Lost my train of thought and thought of (ewhh) Pokemon. Then thought about it again. *ding!* I thought to myself.

"No, you know you're right..." I said with a sexy voice, "but, it would, from the looks of it, fit you." After saying this I got the "what the fuck" look once more... Then she took out a conk shell and summoned Chuck Norris. At this moment I was doing the "what the fuck" look as well.